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Oftentimes, clients come to therapy with a general awareness of their pain points, triggers, and tendencies/patterns. In the early stages of therapy, I often will conduct an informal assessment to determine if a new client’s observations of themselves may align with traits of a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). In this blog, from us here at Therapy on Fig, we will explore the idea of an HSP and how HSP therapy in Los Angeles, CA can help.

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After exploring podcasts, books, talking with friends, and past therapy experiences, you're realizing that being highly sensitive and an empath is a big part of who you are. It affects almost every part of your life. You may have picked a profession that aligns with your ability to pick up on subtleties and nuances, such as a therapist. You could also find yourself in a highly driven, high-pressure tech company where high performance and its optics are prioritized and valued. In both situations, you've learned how to access and leverage your natural strengths in different places. It's been tough, and you're looking for an HSP therapist who understands what it's like to be highly sensitive and can help you even more. This is where Therapy for Empaths and HSPs in Los Angeles, CA with Therapy on Fig can help you!

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We don’t discuss it as often as we should, but friendships can be challenging. Especially for those who identify as highly sensitive persons (HSPs), friendship dynamics can sometimes feel stressful and overwhelming. HSPs have a high level of depth and attunement to our emotions and the emotions of others, are often sensitive to our environment and sensory output, and may become overstimulated more easily.

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Many people come to therapy with an awareness that intergenerational trauma exists in their family. I often hear clients express a desire to heal and move forward from intergenerational trauma by trailblazing a new path. This "new path" might look like:

1. Considering a career change or pursuing past interests/passions.

2. Re-imagining a new life for the next generation, such as parenting your children or relating to your nieces and nephews differently.

3. Exploring identity development/formation and figuring out, "Who or what do I want to be?"

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Even though we may intend to show up completely authentically with our therapist (and we may wholeheartedly believe we are doing this), our protectors might be taking up more space than we realize. The part of us that seeks out therapy may not be the one that sits in the therapy room. The part of us who really needs to be heard may not be the one doing the talking. It's unrealistic to assume that our protective parts would suddenly relinquish control, even if we genuinely connect with our therapist.

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Religious trauma, much like experiencing physical and sexual abuse or a severe accident can produce the same effects. Feelings of isolation, shame, guilt, anger, and dissociation are common. Direct and indirect messages from beliefs, religious leaders, and the spiritual community can become rigid, shaming, and fear-mongering. So it makes sense to find yourself desperate for control to make yourself "good" and avoid punishment. 

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Self-pathologizing is the act of diagnosing or labeling oneself with mental health issues without proper evaluation. It assumes some deficit in the individual without considering nuances of their past experiences or environmental factors. It makes sense that it would feel validating to find a label that fits our symptoms, as our brains love categorization and fitting us into neat boxes. However, it can also lead us down a path of self-limitation and unnecessary distress.

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Intellectualization is a subtle protective part of us that can arise inside and outside the therapy room. It can feel extremely illuminating and empowering to gain an intellectual understanding of our inner world. With so much more emphasis on self-help and therapy in the greater discourse, it’s become easy to believe we are “doing the work” by thinking, learning, and understanding. There is a crucial caveat: in pursuing intellectual insight, we may unknowingly distancing ourselves from emotion. 

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EMDR therapy can benefit what is often referred to as Big "T" trauma, what we may typically think of as traumatic (e.g., car accident, childhood abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, combat, etc.), and Little "t," trauma, which may look like experiencing neglect from caregivers, being bullied, loss of significant relationships, and other relational trauma. EMDR can support in bringing healing to both and help you feel more grounded in your life, reducing issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

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You may have grown up in a culture where you were told that anything fun was a waste of time. As an Asian American child of immigrants, I was often told that play was allowed only after being productive. Play was viewed only as a luxury or reward, and engaging in play any other time was considered a waste. As a millennial, I’ve half-joked with friends that our generation feels pressure to monetize our hobbies for them to feel worthwhile.

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We all know conflict is an unavoidable and even healthy part of intimate relationships. Standing up for ourselves fosters self-esteem, asking for what we need improves self-efficacy and self-confidence, and learning to tolerate discomfort while speaking our truth encourages a braver and more honest connection with our partner. However, conflict provides another, deeper benefit: it reveals our subconscious stories (i.e., beliefs) that we were previously unaware of.

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Because shame can feel so overwhelming, our first instinct might be to avoid it. Maybe you react angrily to perceived criticism or rejection, fearing your shame will be revealed. Perhaps you shut down and withdraw yourself from the person bringing out your shame. Whatever the response, these are examples of protective mechanisms that help to shield us from our shame. However, perceiving shame as just one aspect of our emotional experience is helpful.

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In and outside the family, when well-behaved and mature are reinforced over time by well-meaning adults through praise and/or a lack of discipline, it can cause children to associate their value with being “easy” and, by extension, not having needs and being self-sufficient.

This can bring a sense of not feeling free to engage in carefree play, heightened anxiety around making mistakes, and struggles with vulnerability.

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Narcissism is a complex and broad term, the cause of which can be varied. Some posit that the overvaluation of children from their parents leads to a deficit in self-reflection and empathy. However, it has been widely noted that narcissism can function as a protective mechanism against self-conscious emotions such as shame and guilt. It could come from being constantly shamed or criticized as a child, leading to unbearable feelings that can be temporarily reduced with narcissism.

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As an HSP, you bring many gifts into your friendships. Some of these are a sense of attunement, conscientiousness, and empathy, allowing you to connect in rich, powerful ways with those in your life. These qualities that allow for deep connections may also be factors in those overthinking spirals that can feel tough to escape.

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“How do I set boundaries without feeling guilty?” This is one of the most commonly asked questions I hear, especially as a therapist who works with adult children of immigrants and highly sensitive folks. Setting boundaries is hard work; you’re implementing a change to alter a long-standing dynamic.

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There are many addictive behaviors we are quick to label and judge as such - alcohol, drugs, smoking, gambling, etc. However, things become more complicated when it comes to our day job. What happens when our source of livelihood also becomes the source of our mental and emotional suffering?

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