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1. Feeling unfulfilled signals boredom and under-stimulation.
2. Feeling unfilled is signaling misalignment with your core values.
3. Feeling unfulfilled signals a lack of purpose and a sense of potential.
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Recently, I have noticed a few themes coming up with my clients who describe themselves as a “giver” “empath” or “helper.” Those of us who identify with these roles in relationships often feel obligated to provide something to our friends, family members, coworkers, and partners.
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Throughout life, we develop relationships, attachments, and emotional bonds with people, communities, animals, places, things, and the roles we come into. Whenever these bonds are broken or severed—whether intentional, anticipated, or unexpected—we experience loss and grief.
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You want something about your relationship with your sibling to change
This might look like this:
-A desire to develop more closeness and honesty
-A desire to confront problematic behaviors and how they impact you
-A desire to take on more or less shared responsibility within your family
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One of my favorite themes to explore with my clients is the experience of anger. Anger is a commonly misunderstood feeling and often gets a bad reputation. Some common beliefs we carry about anger are:
Anger is not allowed.
It's bad to feel angry.
Feeling angry reflects a personality trait or characteristic (i.e., I'm so out of control, I'm a mean person).
Attachment theory and attachment styles have been getting a lot of attention lately. Often, people come to therapy acknowledging that they may have an avoidant attachment style and/or avoidant tendencies. Some common things I hear from these clients are:
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As the holiday season approaches, it can feel like life starts moving quicker, and there doesn’t seem to be as much breathing room. Around this time, I hear clients share how overwhelmed they feel going into the holidays and their struggles to balance time resting and connecting with others.
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Oftentimes, clients come to therapy having already acknowledged that they’re burnt out. You likely are already aware of the common self care practices to address burn out, such as exercising, sleeping, and engaging in hobbies. You may also be in a situation where it’s not possible to directly change or remove the stressors contributing to burn out (i.e. you’re a new parent, you’re not in a position where you can quit your job, etc).
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We all have different perspectives on what it looks like to be in a flourishing romantic relationship. Relationship issues often come up in individual therapy, where clients have the opportunity to process feelings around the relationship and make changes in their own communication, internal regulation, etc. I often encourage clients to consider couple’s therapy as another tool to see growth in their relationship.
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When we think of self-care, we often refer to practices we engage in to maintain our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social well-being. This can look like having a reflective practice such as journaling or meditating, making time for our hobbies, spending time with friends, managing our time to get the rest we need, setting boundaries, and even treating ourselves.
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It can feel overwhelming or daunting when you think about working toward a goal or making a change in your life. You might tell yourself you’re not good, brave, or motivated. A common thing I hear my clients say is, “I wish I wasn’t so lazy. If only I wasn’t so lazy, I could ___.”
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Having great care for a friend, family member, or partner's needs and well-being can lead to compassion, understanding, and patience towards our loved ones. In addition, it can lead us to develop an awareness of stressors in our loved ones' lives that we become mindful of how we can reduce additional discomfort or stress. This can look like taking on a task that a loved one is usually responsible for or saving a conversation for when our loved one has more clarity and can be present.
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Many of my clients describe themselves as the emotional caretaker in their families. They're often known as the responsible, the mini-adult growing up, and the ones their parents confided in and depended on. They are parentified by their caregivers/parents in that they bear the weight of ensuring the happiness of the adults around them growing up.
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Many clients come to therapy with an awareness of their tendency to self-blame, self-criticize, or self-sabotage. For many of us, the tendency to self-criticize isn't limited to professional achievements; it extends to our daily social interactions, dating, and relationships with friends and family.
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“I don’t feel like myself right now.”
“Am I making the right decision?”
“The old me would be able to get through this easily. Why can’t I be that person right now?”
These are some statements and questions I often hear working with clients who are going through life transitions, experiencing change, or who feel lost and wonder what direction their lives are going.
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Part of therapy often deconstructs what it means to be “productive.” In a culture that predominantly values hustle and progress, it’s no wonder these themes come up in therapy.
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Often, clients come to therapy seeking tools for how to “be more rational and less emotional.” We believe that unpleasant feelings are inconvenient or untrustworthy. Perhaps our families, cultures, or society have influenced us to assume that rational or logical thinking is more valuable or productive than sitting with a feeling, especially an unpleasant feeling.
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Whenever June comes around, I think of transitions. Students graduating on the last day of school, folks moving away from loving communities, projects wrapping up, cohorts or groups ending, and clients transitioning out of therapy. As we reach the end of something, it's common to be so consumed by ensuring we get to that endpoint that we forget to say goodbye or worry that we're not making the most out of the time we have left.
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Mental health has been getting a lot of attention these days, in questions around the impact of a global pandemic on mental health, celebrity news, and Tik Tok, to name a few. Increased discussion around mental health creates opportunities to de-stigmatize diagnoses, but it can also lead to more pathologizing and further create unhelpful stereotypes like “that’s so borderline,” or “you’re being bipolar.”
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Disney’s first Asian-led animated movie “Turning Red” beautifully captures the life of Mei Lee, a 13 year-old Chinese Canadian adolescent. Mei struggles to embrace her independence and pursue her interests, while also honoring and respecting her mother’s wishes for her life. As an Asian American child of immigrants, I found myself relating to Mei and the conflicts she faced.
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