Empowering Neurodivergent Clients through Internal Family Systems by Understanding Common Protective and Vulnerable Parts
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a powerful framework for understanding our inner psychological landscape. For neurodivergent individuals, this approach can be particularly valuable when adapted to recognize the unique interplay between neurological differences and emotional experiences.
Understanding Internal Family Systems
In IFS theory, we are all born with both a core Self and various parts that make up our internal system. These parts aren't imaginary—they're legitimate aspects of our psychology that take on pressures or "burdens" in their roles in response to our life experiences. What can be helpful for neurodivergent clients to remember when learning to work with their parts is that these parts are also informed by our physiology (bodies) and neurology (brains), which can present quite differently than in a neurotypical person.
When working with neurodivergent clients, a neurodiversity-affirming therapist aims to tailor their approach to account for how parts are uniquely influenced by that client's specific neurological makeup. This neurological context adds an essential dimension to understanding why certain parts emerge and function as they do.
Types of Parts in IFS
IFS identifies two main categories of parts: Protectors (which include proactive managers and reactive firefighters) and Exiles (vulnerable parts that are being protected or kept from showing up in the client's life). The below list of parts is a non-exhaustive exploration into some common roles that parts can take on as a result of the intersection between a neurodivergent person's wiring and the challenges they experience throughout their lives based on my own experiences and those of my clients.
Protector/Manager Parts Common in Neurodivergent Systems
Masking/Fawning Parts
These parts often develop in response to a deep desire for acceptance and belonging. For many neurodivergent people, masking becomes a survival strategy in neurotypical environments. These parts fear that without their vigilant efforts, the person will experience shame for standing out, face rejection, or become so overwhelmed that other protective parts must shut down the entire system.
Critic Parts
These parts take on the role of helping neurodivergent individuals fit into neurotypical norms. They typically internalize external critical voices from childhood and adolescence and continue to incorporate these messages from adult interactions. Their underlying fear is that without constant self-criticism as motivation, the person will never succeed or access power in a neurotypical world.
Proving/Independent Parts
These parts feel compelled to "fight" for the client's right to be seen and recognized. They're often shaped by repeated experiences of invalidation or being told they weren't enough, particularly common experiences for neurodivergent people whose natural ways of being are frequently misunderstood.
Comparing Parts
These can be intrinsically linked to the neurodivergent trait of pattern recognition, which can be incredibly helpful to make sense of the world around us, but become burdened when they continually measure against neurotypical standards of what's "right/acceptable" versus "wrong/unacceptable."
Ruminating/Analyzing Parts
These parts may connect to monotropism or the capacity a neurodivergent brain has for deep focus on single topics. They create distress when burdened by getting stuck on making sense of confusing social experiences—a common challenge for many neurodivergent individuals.
Entertaining/Pleasing Parts
Also linked to rejection sensitivity, these parts work to make the person likable and entertaining to reduce the possibility of rejection—a particularly painful experience for many neurodivergent people.
Protector/Firefighter Parts in Neurodivergent Systems
Dissociating Parts
These emerge to remove the client from experiencing pain in an overwhelmed system—a particularly relevant response given many neurodivergent individuals' heightened sensory and emotional sensitivity.
Distracting Parts
While sometimes related to executive function differences, these parts can intensify their role when they fear the system's capacity to handle the discomfort of other parts.
Defending/Raging Parts
Often connected to a sensitive nervous system, these parts breakthrough in "fight" mode, typically after feeling unheard or misunderstood beyond what's tolerable—a common experience for neurodivergent people.
Passive and Fawning Parts
Activated under threat, these parts range from acquiescence to complete passivity and often develop in response to ongoing threats or trauma experienced when others have reacted with frustration and anger to neurodivergent communication or behaviors.
Exile Parts in Neurodivergent Systems
When we uncover the fears underlying a protector's role, we are often pointed to the vulnerable part, which is either being protected from the outside world or from overwhelming the internal system. These exiles are carrying beliefs based on their experiences in the world, and below are just a handful of examples of the feelings and beliefs they might be holding:
Shame Exiles: "I'm a bad person; I cause others stress and worry."
Anxiety Exiles: "I'm confused by why people react to me the way they do; I can't 'read the room.'"
Defectiveness Exiles: "I'm simultaneously too much and not enough; something is broken in me."
Loneliness Exiles: "No one is like me; no one can understand me; I'm an alien."
Fear of Judgment Exiles: "If I'm myself, others will judge me; I can't be myself with others."
Lack of Safety Exiles: "My unmasked existence is intolerable to others; being myself causes others to hurt me."
How IFS Can Help Neurodivergent Clients
The beauty of IFS for neurodivergent individuals lies in its fundamental principle that all parts are welcome and deserve understanding. This is transformative because so much of the neurodivergent experience involves invalidation and misunderstanding.
The core of IFS work is validation—creating a space where parts can begin to trust in a different way of operating. Rather than focusing on "fixing what's broken" (a narrative many neurodivergent people have internalized from external sources), IFS emphasizes changing the inner relationships among parts and between parts and the core Self.
References and Further Resources:
Neuro-inclusive IFS and Support Developed by Meg Martinez and Candice Christiansen: https://www.namasteadvice.com/neuroinclusivetherapy
Siana McGarvey Resource Page: https://www.therapywithsiana.com/resources
Empower your neurodivergence through IFS Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, Today!
When approached with sensitivity to both the common experiences and unique expressions of the experiences neurodivergent clients are having, IFS Therapy in Highland Park, CA, can help neurodivergent clients develop a more compassionate and empowering internal system—one that honors their neurological differences while healing the wounds that come from navigating a world not designed for their unique brains, bodies, and spirits. Take steps to work with an IFS therapist at Therapy on Fig who specializes in working with neurodivergence.
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Sabrina Bolin is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT 144696), supervised by Sharon Yu. As a multiracial neurodivergent woman, she helps highly sensitive, neurodivergent, and creative folks relate to themselves and to the people in their lives with more compassion and greater understanding through a trauma-informed and identity-affirming lens. Reach out today to learn more about how Sabrina or our team can help.